Friday, January 27, 2006

Toasty Feet

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So I am taking this socks class and I am right now mid way through the knitting on this project. In the picture you'll notice that each sock is in a different place.

Sock A is what I learned in the first class - so we started the sock cuff and got down to the heel flap. Sock B is what I learned in the first class and second class adding on the heel turn and picking up the gusset stitches.

All this lingo means that the sock started to turn and took on the shape of a sock. In the last class on Tuesday this coming week I get to learn how to decrease the toe and stitch it all up with a fancy stitch that is supposed to be hard - the Kitchner Stitch.

By the way for all you crafy people out there the yarn for this project is 100% Wool and the yarn is called Kureyon by Noro color #159.

Happy knitting!

Thursday, January 26, 2006

Look out! She's drinking again

Although life is rough - I have not yet hit the bottle. But my kitty is drinking her water again!

I have felt like quite the overprotective mommy this week with the kitty sick. We have been monitoring every little bodily reaction. I'll just let you imagine all the bodily stuff - no need to get too gross here.

She went in on Tuesday for a second IV of fluids. She started eating her soft food regularly too. We also started giving her spring water in a new bowl, pampered kitty that she is and since she hadn't been drinking it we were still giving her medicine droppers full of the spring water. Along with her antibiotics twice a day, she doesn't like this one bit but I go into "mommy knows best mode".

Now imagine me and the husband hiding around the corner while we do the little happy dance since we saw her drinking her water this morning. Like we didn't want to startle her so she wouldn't stop drinking.

If this the way it is with a cat then I am afraid to know what actual little people might be like someday -- god help me I'll turn into one of those crazy moms

Wednesday, January 25, 2006

Gettin' Fancy

Woo hoo! I found code to insert pics into my blog! You'll want to check out the post "Books That Have Shaped My Life". Now I have to figure out how to put pics in that are actually pics that I have taken. I know there is a little thing that lets you upload pics but I have tried this many times to no avail.

I can't wait to get my own pics working because I can then show progress on my knitting projects. Last night I had my second Socks class. I was a good girl and I had my homework all done - I was up to the "heel flap". So last night I learned how to "pick up stitches" and "knit in short rows". The end result of all this knitting lingo is the the sock started to turn so know I am knitting on the foot rather than the cuff of the sock. Cool stuff!

Monday, January 23, 2006

Editing for Content

Ok for the time being I am editing for content - if you are familiar with my blog you will notice that a few of my recent postings are "missing". Well they aren't, that are safe and sound and hiding in my Drafts folder.

I realized that after I told my mom about my blog that maybe I should be a little more cautous with my content. After all who what's their mom to know EVERYTHING.

It's one thing when you are anonomous you can be brave in your posting - it's quite another when it's your mother.

Sunday, January 22, 2006

Scary but full weekend

So as it turns out I did not get to go to my sleep over. Oh well - I guess I didn't need all booze after all. But come to think of it I probably could have hit the bottle a little this weekend with good cause.

My baby is sick - my kitty cat that is - no I haven't miraculously given birth to a baby or anything. She hasn't been eating or drinking normally and her personality was just very off.

So on Saturday morning kitty and I went off to the vet - not her favorite trip. After all would you like going to a place where they stick a thermometer up your butt, poke you with a needle to take out your blood, poke you with another needle to give you antibiotics, then yet again becasue you enjoy it so much poke you with a third needle to give you an IV to pump you full of fluids to hydrate you and just to make sure your visit was thoroughly enjoyable the vet feels you up thoroughly to feel all your internal organs.

Now after this very pleasant visit to the vet my poor baby just wanted to go home - imagine a kitty who looks a little lopsided because there is a mass of fluids that just got pumped into her one side.

Now then because I am such a loving mommy - my poor baby gets a medicine dropper each morning and night with antibiotics, and then again medicine droppers full of water, and to bring down her temp and make her more comfy I get to shove a baby aspirin down her throat. You can imagine I am quite popular with kitty right about now.

I was quite happy though that kitty ate a can of tuna yesterday - it may have taken her all day to do it - but it made me very happy.

Hopefully she will start drinking more water so I don't have to give it to her with a medicine dropper and then she maybe won't need another IV on Tuesday. The vet said that her blookwork showed a bacterial infection and elevated whiteblood cells - we are hoping that this is just a kidney infection and not an infection on top of another more serious illness with her kidneys. We will see.

So because all this was going on and I didn't get to go to my sleep over I felt I had to be productive in some other way - I chose putting away the Christmas tree and decorations. WOW - tearing down is so much faster than putting up. So the house is not only holiday free right now but relatively clean.

Now if you haven't noticed yet - I apparently am a nervous cleaner. I tend to tidy up things when I am upset and worried. Thus my clean house right now.

To wind down the weekend - a coworker, Sara, came to visit me on Sunday evening to knit with me. So I got a ton of knitting done and finished my homework for my Socks Class and got industrious and started sock #2.

We had the most interesting conversation about religion, specifically Paganism and Wicca. She identifies with Wicca. Which really isn't a scarry thing it is a very natural belief and really isn't very different than Catholicism. Now some of you are saying - oh geeze another new age California thing - next thing you know she will be chanting and making voo doo dolls. But I throughly enjoyed the evening - and that surprised me since I wouldn't have put Sara in my bin of friends - but we will see. It's too early to tell.

Friday, January 20, 2006

James Blunt Videos

So I think I may have written about the new album by James Blunt "Back to Bedlam". If you haven't heard this yet then I highly suggest checking it out. Apparently his music is pretty popular in Europe and the UK but his work has recently been imported over here to the US.

Check this out - I can't get enough of James Blunt!

Thursday, January 19, 2006

Sleep Over

So yes I am going on a sleep over this Saturday night. No I am not 12 years old. But I must say that adult sleep overs are way more entertaining than the ones you went to as a teenager. First of all alcohol is there and you don't have to hide it or sneak it in. And second you can actuallly talk about sex and have a knowledge base under your belt so to speak.

So this weekend I am looking forward to a Saturday of shopping for baby registries with my girlfriend Christina, who is pregnant, watching some chick flicks, guilt free snacking, doing facials, and hanging out in my jammies. However, if alcohol is involved I guess I will just have to drink my share as well as Christina's, since she can't have any - a challenge I am willing to take - I am such a good friend!

Wednesday, January 18, 2006

Books That Have Helped to Shape My Life

So in the past couple of years I have read several books that have really changed my outlook and the way I approach my life, how it actually live it, and how I reflect back on it. I am not saying that these books would help everyone but they have helped me. I have listed these in the order in which I read them. So think of it as the reading syllabus for taking Amy 101 as a class.

Self Matters: Creating Your Life from the Inside Out
by Phillip C. McGraw
Yes, I know you sigh and roll your eyes, Dr. Phil from TV. This one helped me to identify key moments that have made an impact on my life and who I am. This one was really good with journaling. I now have a written record of some of the shining moments of my life as well as the many less than stellar parts of my life.

When Food Is Love
Geneen Roth
This book was probably one of the very first books that someone actually suggested to me. Let's forget for the moment that it was my Jenny Craig sales person who masqueraded as my personal weight counselor, that suggested this one to me. This book really touched a personal cord for me in recognizing how I sometimes "use" food.

The Schwarzbein Principle
by Diana Schwarzbein
I highly reccomend the Schwartzbein books - I have read all of them so far but I do think that I like the first one the best. Most critics will downplay this version becasue they say there is too much science in it for the general lay person to get a handle on. I thought it was just fine - anyone who feels that they have a intermediate education in science will be just fine with this version. The later "Schwarzbein Program" is basically the same book that has a few updates and is more watered down. This book helped me realize how my body actually uses food for energy. I learned that I was actually malnourished as a child and that learned behavior has shaped how I eat today which is not balanced. So now I have a knowledge of how to eat a more balanced diet for my body's hormones levels.

Taking Charge of Your Fertility (Revised Edition)(TCOYF)
by Toni Weschler
Another book that was recommended to me by my good friend Jen. I never actually knew how my reproductive cycle worked in my own body until I read this book. This book should be required for all females! All the "dirty little secrets" the nuns never taught you in your junior high sex ed class! I actually know when I am fertile and when I am not - what a freedom to have that natural power over your reproductive life without the hormones from the pill. (Not that I am dissing the pill or anything but that is another post.)

Reading Now:

Working on Yourself Alone
by Arnold Mindell
I am really looking forward to receiving this one from! It was reccommended to me by my former therapist, so that I could continue to process my thoughts and feelings and continue my therapy, while I am not actively going to therapy every week anymore. My therapist said to look at it as the graduate level of my therapy.

NOTE: LOGOANN will notice that I have links in this post to the books I mention so you can check them out. I did a little bit of code research and am proud to now know how to add a link with text and make bold and italic text in html code. I am still having trouble with posting pictures becasue I originally want to post a pic of each book cover as well but I guess you can't have everything. Maybe I'll learn that and republish this posting.

Tuesday, January 17, 2006

Week of Freedom with No Excuses

Well Jim went off to Anaheim today so I have a whole week to myself to be as messy as I can stand before I clean the apartment the night before Jim comes home. Yes I do that and don't try to pretend you don't put that kind of stuff off as well.

I have been looking for "alone time" so I could write in my journal and have some "therapy time" to process my feelings but I have been totally unable to commit the time that I need to myself. I have been using the excuse that I am waiting for time to be alone but that just doesn't fly so now I have a whole week for no excuses.

Item #2 on the no excuses list is exercising. I have so far this week already gone to the gym twice, once on Sunday afternoon and once last night. It feels so good to actually be going even if I do look all ridiculous sweating a ton on my 1/2 hour workout. I hate knowing that my body has to work twice as hard to do the same work excercising that a skinny person would. But I guess that really is the whole point so that I can get to a point where my body works better.

item #3 on the no excuses list is taking a socks class. I was going to skip it since I didn't have the $$, Jim couldnt' pick me up tonight from class, and I don't have the materials. But phoey on that I signed up anyways! I am going to brave the Muni light-rail at night and I am going to bute the bullet and spend the $20 to get the supplies I need.

In my head I am hearing a little cheering squad chanting "GO --AM---Y ---GO". Hey I'm allowed to have a cheering squad - now it would be really strange if I had conversations with them but I'll save that for snother post . . .

Monday, January 09, 2006

One More Obsession

Ok I'll admit it - I do obsess about - well everything. I really have gotten better about it though. No more Weight Watchers Points to obsess over. I am not currently researching a huge obsession project. But I do have a few things on my obsession burner.

1. Cycle Charting
2. Moving out of our Apartment
3. My new music obcession James Blunt

Ok - so it has been a really long time since I obsessed over a really cute celebrity. In fact I think this is the first one since college.

I feel like a school girl with James Blunt's pic on my computer desktop. Now don't get me worong - I love my husband but James Blunt just has the type of face that I'd write about in one of my romance stories. - Yes I do write stories- but that's another post. Maybe I'll post one of my unfinished stories some time.

I could just daydream all day into James Blunt's eyes! I am so obsessed that I have been posting on the James Blunt message boards! I know really bad. I am just so into his music too - it's not that he's just hot or anything. His lyrics are just so captivating and his style just washes over me. It's magic.

So this artist ia a brit and he isn't planning any concerts over here in the US any time soon - grumble grumble. He is a fairly new artist - his first album. It must feel strange to him that his pic is all over the internet and no one knew who he was last year practically!

I am content with my daydreams and listening to my iPod but - god If I ever had a chance in hell with James Blunt - I think I would consider it - after all we are all allowed an imaginary "cheat list" with our spouses. And if we aren't then we should be allowed to have one.

Plus Size Life

Hi! I am what "normal" people would label as a fat or plus size individual. I have been labeled as"overweight" since I was in first grade. When I look back at pics of me from this era in the early 80's, I look like a normal active kid. Not a young girl who should be dressed in husky boys clothing - yet that was me. Over since then my parents and family would say things like "She has such a pretty face." - "Oh such a shame." - and my favorite as a 120 lb 12 year old girl hearing from my mom - "Honey if you stay this exact weight for the rest fo your life you will be beautiful." - What the heck is that supposed to mean to a 12 year old??!

In 8th grade I began my first "diet" - I was finishing Catholic school (another blog is definately necessary to discuss this topic alone) - I wanted more than anything for a boy to notice me - more than anything I just wanted someone to notice me and then dare to dream love me. So for two weeks I ate no carbs to "jump start" my metabolism. Did Richard Simmons Sweatin to the Oldies. And then began Weight Watchers with my girlfriend.

A normal day of food would be:

NO Breakfast or rarely: 1/2 cup skim milk, 1/2 cup OJ. 1 cup cereal
Lunch: 1 hot dog, 1 packet ketchup, carrot sticks
Dinner: Iceberg Lettuce Salad and Fat Free Dressing

By the end of the school year I had lost 50 lbs starving myself basicly. I was so proud at 135lbs. When I went to High School boys noticed me, I had friends. No one riduculed me, teased me, or called me names like thunder thighs, whale, or fattie anymore.

I finally felt "normal"! I remember going to bed hungry each night and thinking that "this is worth it to be thin". I couldn't sleep on my stomach because me hip bones protruded and hurt me. (TO this day my mother will never admit that I may have been to skinny - she says I should have lost more.)

I rember thinking " nor I am normal I can eat normally like everyone else" - Boy was I wrong. By the end of high school I weighed 200 lbs and barely fit into a size 18.

By the time I got married at age 25 I was 280 lbs. Now at age 30 I am 305 lbs. Keep in mind it wasn't always an upward journey - I did Weight Watchers several times, Jenny Craig once, and took the prescription Meridia. Each time I lost 30-50 lbs and would then gain it all back. At my highest weight I was 319 lbs.

So now here I am at 305, with a husband who loves me, a job I sometimes like and often just tolerate, and am starting to begin the Schwarzbein Principle program (a low carb program that doesnt' eliminate carbs completely but focuses on eating real whole foods).

So as for "Plus Size Living" aside froma few years in high school my entire life has been led in a "plus size" body.

Things I hate about weighing what I do:

* Needing an extender seat belt for air planes & the fact that I own my own because I hated asking the flight attendant for one each time I flew.

* Feeling uncomfortable in air plane seats and at the movies.

* Only being able to shop through catalogs or at Lane Bryant or the Avenue

* Joints that hurt

* Being winded after walking distances or up stairs.

* Feeling embarrassed every time I eat because if I am this fat then of course she doesn't need to eat any more.


Here I'll chonicle my journey while hopefully losing weight, feeling better, and learning more about myself from the inside out through my therapy.

I won't use my real name but you can call me by my online persona, NeonApple.

Thanks for reading!